i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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