considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize