Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
