I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
