mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
