not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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