Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
