I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
