I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
