just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize