woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
