a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
