No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
