I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
