hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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