there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
