I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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