My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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