I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
only if we run a train.
done.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
