Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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