She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
