I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
