My brain says no but my pants say off.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
