I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
