8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sext me about skeletons
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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