It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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