lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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