I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You just made me feel so damn special
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
