dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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