i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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