dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
