The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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