we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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