my phone needs a breathalizer
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
