My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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