you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize