so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
