Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
