meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
