i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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