is your mom at the bar?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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