You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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