think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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