i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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