Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
