Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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