Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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