Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize