Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize