my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
