THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
