pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
