those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
