can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
