Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
