It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
