I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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