the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize