You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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