it was like eating out sand paper
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize