her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
