nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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