I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
