I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I did not marry a roomba.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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