dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
